Karpman’s Drama Triangle: What It Is and How to Step Out

by Julie-Anne Peake, Clinical Psychologist

If the same fight keeps happening over and over again - with new details and the same heavy feeling - you are likely stuck in the drama triangle. Naming it is the first step to breaking the cycle.

The Drama Triangle

Psychiatrist Stephen Karpman described this conflict loop in 1968, with three roles:

• Victim: feels powerless or hard done by. “This always happens to me.”
• Rescuer: jumps in to fix without being asked. “I will sort it.”
• Persecutor: blames or controls. “You never get it right.”

People slide between roles fast. Short-term relief, long-term resentment.

Why we get pulled in

• Fast relief: fixing or blaming feels quicker than a hard talk.
• Old templates: early family patterns feel familiar.
• Hidden pay-offs: Victim avoids choice, Rescuer feels needed, Persecutor feels in control.

Everyday examples:

1) Partners and the forgotten chore

• A: “You left the dishes again.” (Persecutor)
• B: “I can never do anything right.” (Victim)
• A: “Forget it. I will do them.” (Rescuer)
  Result: dishes done, pattern unchanged.

2) Parent and teen, homework

• Parent: “You are failing because you are lazy.” (Persecutor)
• Teen: “Why bother. I am dumb anyway.” (Victim)
• Parent: “I will email your teacher and make the plan.” (Rescuer)
  Result: more tension, little learning.

Break-the-cycle

If you slip into Victim → shift to Creator

• Ask: “What is in my control right now?”
• Take one small step today.
• Make a specific request, not a complaint.
• Name feelings and needs without blaming.
• Own your choices and limits.
  Script: “I feel overwhelmed and need a plan. I will do X by 6 pm. Please do Y.”

If you slip into Rescuer → shift to Coach

• Ask for consent before helping.
• Return responsibility: “What have you tried?”
• Use questions more than solutions.
• Offer options, not takeovers.
• Set time and energy boundaries.
  Script: “Do you want listening or ideas? You have this. I can help for 15 minutes.”

If you slip into Persecutor → shift to Challenger

• Describe behaviour and impact, not the person.
• State the boundary and the standard.
• Be specific about what, who, and when.
• Invite their plan and hold accountability.
• Follow through calmly and consistently.
  Script: “When X happens, Y is the impact. The standard is A by B. What is your plan?”

Quick self-check

• Which role do I grab under stress?
• What body cues or thoughts signal that slide?
• What is the Creator, Coach, or Challenger move I can make now?

Skills that help

1. Name the pattern: “I think we are in a triangle. Can we reset?”
2. Regulate first: slow breathing, unclench jaw, shoulders down.
3. Ask before helping: “Do you want listening, ideas, or action?”
4. Set clear boundaries: time limits, roles, next steps.
5. Repair after rupture: own your part, restate the goal, agree on actions.

Learn more

Watch these 3 short videos in order 1-3. Lynn Forests is a Canadian Psychologist who describes this concept and how we develop into these roles really well:

• Video 1
• Video 2
• Video 3

Safety note

If there is abuse, coercive control, or a significant power imbalance, this framework is not the fix. Prioritise safety and seek specialised support.

Final thought

You do not need to do this perfectly. Catch the pattern and choose one different move. Small shifts add up.

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