By Julie-Anne Peake, Clinical Psychologist - myMHC
Have you ever felt crushed after a small comment, a delayed reply, or a change in someone’s tone - even when you know it wasn’t personal? You might be experiencing rejection sensitivity.
What Is Rejection Sensitivity?
Rejection sensitivity is a heightened emotional response to perceived rejection, criticism, or disapproval. It’s not just “being sensitive”, it’s the nervous system going into protection mode.
When someone experiences rejection sensitivity, they might:
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Worry constantly about upsetting others.
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Overanalyse texts or conversations.
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Feel intense shame or sadness if they think they’ve done something wrong.
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Apologise excessively or withdraw to avoid being hurt.
Where Does It Come From?
Rejection sensitivity often develops from early experiences of hurt or inconsistency; for example from emotional neglect, bullying, trauma, or feeling that love and acceptance had to be earned.
Over time, the brain and body learn to stay alert for signs of rejection. It’s a survival strategy: “If I can spot it early, maybe I can stop it from happening again.”
How It Impacts Relationships
This sensitivity can lead to misunderstandings. A neutral comment can feel like criticism. Silence can feel like abandonment.
People may find themselves stuck in a painful cycle of:
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People-pleasing to avoid disapproval.
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Withdrawing to protect themselves.
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Feeling unworthy of connection.
It’s exhausting and it can keep genuine closeness just out of reach.
Healing from Rejection Sensitivity
Healing begins with understanding that your reactions are not character flaws - they are protective responses from earlier pain.
Therapeutic approaches such as EMDR, parts work, or trauma-informed CBT can help the nervous system relearn safety and build healthier emotional boundaries.
Through compassionate self-awareness, it becomes possible to:
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Recognise when your rejection alarm is being triggered.
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Pause and regulate before reacting.
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Build a sense of safety within yourself rather than seeking it through others’ approval.
A Final Thought
Rejection sensitivity doesn’t mean you’re “too much”; it means your system learned to care deeply about connection.
With support and healing, you can find steadiness, self-trust, and the confidence to stay connected even when rejection fears arise.
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