by Julie-Anne Peake, Clinical Psychologist
The festive season arrives each year wrapped in glitter and expectation. It is sold as a time of warmth, connection and joy. Many people do feel those things. Many do not. The contrast between the story we are told and the reality we live can create distress that is subtle for some and overwhelming for others.
Why Christmas Might Not Feel Joyful
- The pressure to feel joyful
Celebrations often come with an unspoken rule that everyone must be happy. This creates emotional pressure. When someone is struggling, that pressure can amplify feelings of inadequacy or isolation. It becomes harder to express genuine emotion in an environment that rewards cheerfulness. - Old memories return
The season is built around ritual. Rituals awaken memory. People remember what was, what never was, or what they longed for. For those who grew up in chaotic or unsafe homes, festive traditions can stir up reminders of tension, fear or unmet needs. Even positive memories can be painful when life has changed in ways we did not choose. - Family dynamics intensify
Gatherings bring people together who may have unresolved conflict or complex relationships. Small tensions can grow quickly under the weight of expectation. For those with traumatic family histories, the lead-up to these events can trigger hypervigilance, emotional withdrawal or increased anxiety. The fear of repeating old patterns often hovers in the background. - Grief feels heavier
Many people carry grief into the festive season. The empty chair at the table is impossible to ignore. Social media and advertising often show families intact and thriving. Comparing these images to personal reality can deepen the ache of loss. - Loneliness becomes louder
The season highlights connection. When someone feels alone, the contrast is sharp. This loneliness is not simply the absence of people. It is the absence of being understood, remembered or valued. Even people with busy social calendars can feel disconnected if their internal world does not match the external noise. - Financial strain adds pressure
Expectations around gifts, travel and hosting can create financial stress. This pressure can heighten anxiety, conflict and shame. People often feel compelled to spend in ways that do not reflect their circumstances or values. - Routines change
For those who rely on routine to feel grounded, the season’s unpredictability can be unsettling. Sleep changes, travel plans and shifting work hours can reduce emotional capacity and increase stress. - Trauma responses heighten
When reminders of the past arise, the nervous system can become more reactive. This might show up as irritability, withdrawal, fatigue, trouble sleeping or difficulty regulating emotions. The body pays close attention to cues of safety and threat. If the season has carried threat before, the body remembers.
Ways to move gently through the season
It is possible to navigate this time with more compassion for yourself and others. Allow feelings to be what they are. Create boundaries around events or conversations that drain you. Plan small moments of rest. Identify one or two people who feel safe enough to check in with. Keep expectations realistic and flexible. Personal traditions can be adapted, paused or rewritten.
The festive season means something different to everyone. When we step away from the pressure to make it perfect, we create more space for honesty, connection and care. That space is often where healing becomes possible, even in the middle of celebration.
Dealing With Loss & Grief
The festive season can shine brightly for some and feel unbearably quiet for others. When someone you love is missing, traditions shift, emotions deepen and memories sit close to the surface. Finding creative ways to honour those we have lost can bring comfort, connection and a sense of gentle belonging in a season that often moves too quickly.
Creating Connection
Here are some thoughtful options that many people find grounding.
- Create a small remembrance space
A shelf, a windowsill or a quiet corner can become a place of honour. Place a photo, a candle, a flower, or an object that carries their story. This space becomes a gentle pause in the day, a spot where memory feels welcome rather than intrusive. - Cook or share their favourite food
Food carries memory in ways words cannot. Preparing a dish they loved can bring comfort. Some families set aside a small portion in their honour or tell a story about why the meal mattered to them. - Write a letter to them
Putting thoughts onto paper helps shape emotions that feel tangled. This is not about closure. It is about connection. The letter can be kept private, read aloud, or placed somewhere meaningful. - Start a giving ritual
Acts of generosity often feel like a living tribute. You might donate to a cause they cared about, give a gift in their name or offer kindness to someone in need. It becomes a way of extending their influence into the world. - Create a memory ornament
A simple ornament that represents your loved one can be added to the tree or placed on display. Some people write their name, a favourite quote or a date inside the ornament. Others place a small item inside it. With time it becomes part of the season’s rhythm. - Share stories
Inviting others to tell a memory can bring both tears and warmth. Stories bring the person back into the room in a way that feels alive and connected. This can be done around a table, during a walk or in a quiet moment. - Light a candle at a specific time
A candle ritual at dusk or before a meal can be a powerful acknowledgement. The flame becomes a symbol of the relationship that continues in a different form. It can also create a brief moment of stillness in an otherwise busy season. - Spend time doing something they loved
Engaging in an activity that held meaning for them can create a quiet sense of closeness. It might be a walk on a favourite path, listening to a song they treasured or watching a film they enjoyed. - Make a memory book or box
Collect photos, letters, small belongings or handwritten notes. Over time this becomes a place you can return to when you want connection without intensity. It gives the relationship a home. - Include them in conversation
It can feel comforting to say their name, speak about what they would have loved or acknowledge the part of the celebration they shaped. This keeps their memory integrated into the living fabric of your life.
Remembering a loved one during the festive season is not about holding on to pain. It is about keeping their story present in ways that honour the bond. These rituals offer a gentle path through the season. They remind us that love does not vanish. It changes shape and continues to matter.
#GriefAndHealing
#HonouringLovedOnes
#FestiveSeasonSupport
#TraumaInformedCare
#MentalHealthAwareness
#GriefJourney
#RememberingTogether
#CompassionInGrief
#HolidayWellbeing
Add comment
Comments