Boundaries: What are they & why they matter

What Are Boundaries?

Boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves within relationships and in daily life. They define what we are comfortable with and how we expect others to treat us. Boundaries aren’t about building walls; they’re about creating healthy space where respect, safety, and wellbeing can grow.

Different Types of Boundaries

1. Physical Boundaries

   • Relate to your body, personal space, and physical needs.

   • Examples: comfort with touch, personal space, rest, nutrition, safety.

   • Healthy boundary: “I don’t like being hugged by people I don’t know well.”

2. Emotional Boundaries

   • Involve protecting your feelings, values, and sense of self.

   • Examples: choosing what you share, saying no to emotional dumping, not taking on other people’s problems as your own.

   • Healthy boundary: “I care about you, but I can’t be your only source of support.”

3. Mental/Intellectual Boundaries

   • Respect for your own thoughts, beliefs, and ideas.

   • Examples: disagreeing respectfully, not tolerating being belittled for your views.

   • Healthy boundary: “I see that you feel differently. I don’t share that view, but I respect your right to have it.”

4. Time Boundaries

   • How you use and protect your time and energy.

   • Examples: balancing work and rest, declining commitments that overload you.

   • Healthy boundary: “I can’t take on another project this week.”

5. Material Boundaries

   • Relating to possessions, money, and property.

   • Examples: lending items, financial limits, respect for belongings.

   • Healthy boundary: “I’m not comfortable lending my car.”

6. Relational/Sexual Boundaries

   • Expectations around intimacy, consent, and relationship dynamics.

   • Examples: clarity about needs in relationships, consent in sexual activity.

   • Healthy boundary: “I’m not ready to move at that pace in our relationship.”

7. Digital Boundaries (increasingly important today)

   • Managing technology use and online interactions.

   • Examples: privacy on social media, responding to messages on your own schedule.

   • Healthy boundary: “I don’t answer work emails after 7pm.”

How Boundaries Help Us Feel Safe and Well

• Create safety → They protect us from harm, exploitation, or burnout.

• Build self-respect → They reinforce that our needs and feelings are valid.

• Improve relationships → They clarify expectations and reduce resentment.

• Support emotional balance → By not overextending, we preserve energy and resilience.

• Encourage autonomy → Boundaries remind us that we are responsible for ourselves, not for controlling or fixing others.

• Foster trust → When boundaries are respected, trust and connection grow stronger.